Here You Go, Mommy.

It has occurred to me that I paint a rather rosy picture of parenthood. Kids are cute, they say funny things, they have an interesting view of the world, and I truly love being with them. But, some days--and even some weeks--are hard. Some days you just don't want to provide 3 healthy meals and 3 healthy snacks. You don't want to get up every 3 hours in the night. You don't want to play Candyland for the 100th time in one day. Some days I have thought that I could not stand to hear my own voice one more time, especially saying things like, "Don't touch her! Stop screaming, please! Eat it. Just try it. Find your shoes. Shoes! Now, shoes!"

Parenting gets tiring and repetitive and frustrating. And yet, even when I have one of those days, I am completely in love with Garrett and Mary. Even on those days when I'm ready to bolt out the door in search of a tavern the minute Chris comes home, I'm contemplating the possibility of having a third baby. To illustrate this strange dichotomy, I will tell you about the events of the first week of December.

After a weekend of ice storms, during which the four of us stayed home and did not go outside at all, lest we slip and kill ourselves on the sidewalks or roads, the kids had a nasty case of cabin fever. They were tired of me and I was tired of them. When you have kids, you don't take advantage of the nasty weather by making a nice cup of tea and watching all your favorite Christmas movies. You watch Aladin....again. And Again. You watch Baby Einstein, Shapes and Colors. You don't decide that it's a good time to wrap those Christmas gifts because as soon as you leave your station to get some more tape, the scissors have gone missing, the paper is torn, and someone is whining about wanting their own present. So, by Monday you're wishing that you had Aladin's magic carpet and could direct it toward the nearest sound proof location.

We chose this particular week to take down Mary's crib (it was broken) and have her start sleeping in a big girl bed. Mary had other ideas, like screaming at the door and throwing everything that she could get her hands on around the room. Currently, the only way she will go to sleep in her bed is if we go to sleep with her. So much for saying night-night at 7:00. Now we say night-night at 8:00 and we have to take a nap. Clearly, I'm doing something wrong.

In an effort to solve the bed dilemma, I called a few of my fellow mommy friends to ask them how they managed to get their toddlers to accept the big bed (Garrett never had a problem with this). I called my friend Anna who had successfully moved her daughter (who is 3 months younger than Mary) to a bed. As we were talking about this, I noticed that Mary was scratching at the back of her diaper. She is prone to rashes. While listening to Anna's wisdom, I asked Mary, "Mary, do you need a didee change? Didee? Mary, yoo hoo, didee?" She said, 'No, no, no mommy," and ran away. Suit yourself I thought and continued to talk to Anna. Because of the cabin fever problem, I had moved a variety of toys to the living room because were all sick of the playroom and it's offerings. We all sat in the living room, playing and chatting... and scratching. Anna and I were discussing the rapidly approaching due date of her third child when Mary came up to me, put something in my hand and said, "Here you go, Mommy. Oh, no mommy. It's yuck." I seriously thought she had handed me a wad of dried out playdough, extracted from the toys in the room. I absentmindedly moved it around in my hand, trying to figure out how the playdough had retained some of it's moisture.

AND THEN, an unbelievable stench wafted up to my nose and to my shock and horror I realized I was handling poop, which Mary had lovingly extracted from her diaper! I shouted, "Oh my God! Oh, no, OH YUCK...." Anna asked, "What's wrong?" I said, "I have to go, I'm holding poo!" I dropped the phone, grabbed Mary with the poo-free hand and raced us both to the bathroom. I had to clean her hands, my hands, and everything she could have possibly touched while I was on the phone, and change the blasted diaper. And to make matters worse, I only had fifteen minutes to clean it up because we had a play date arriving on the hour. The cursed smell followed me around all day even though I was sure I got all of it. It haunted me.

The next day, I was talking on the phone again, trying to arrange a play date for Garrett. Suddenly, I became very disturbed by the lack of sound coming from Mary. I asked Garrett, "Where's Mary?" He said, "Uh, I don't knooowww. I think she's going potty." I look in the bathroom (she had closed the door to ensure some privacy), and there she was playing in the toilet. Thank you, Garrett for not flushing when you used the potty because now Mary is playing in pee water. Her sleeves were wet, her socks were wet where she had dripped water, and all of the toothbrushes from the bathroom had taken a dip! The worst offense of all was my soiled Word Wealth book, which is my favorite text book of all time. I had it in high school, recently rediscovered it when I visited Martinez, and have kept it in my bathroom if perchance I have the opportunity to learn a new word and all it's wonderful uses, opposites, and related words. Hell hath no fury like a stay at home mom with a penchant for learning who has suffered an attack on her treasured trove of words!!! Mary saw the scorn on my face and simply said, "Oh no, Mommy. What happened? Ohhhh nnoooo."

I plucked Mary out of the bathroom by her dry arm, stripped her down, saying, "No playing in the toilet! Bad Mary!" I got her a new set of clothes and frantically tried to dress her because naturally when all of this was happening, I had about 10 minutes to get Garrett to preschool. Once I got Garrett to school, I kicked myself for forgetting that Thursday's are show and tell day and I forgot to send Garrett to school with an item to show and tell. I wonder how he would feel about discussing his hat?

In addition to many lost hours of sleep due the crib change, several terrible bodily-waste episodes, and general impatience by all--thanks to the weather, there was one more complication during this week. It was time for me to do my bi-annual pee test. For those of you who are unaware of this little ritual of mine, I shall explain. I have to pee into a container for 24 hours twice a year so that my doctor can determine how much copper I get rid of on an average day. I must collect every drop, or the test is not viable. And it must be refrigerated. You can imagine the elegance we experience in our home when we open the fridge for a tasty snack or beverage and have to confront my pee while we weigh our options. I hate doing this test. I am homebound because I have to pee near my refrigerated container. No exceptions.

After I picked Garrett up from preschool on Thursday, we went home to spend the rest of the day near my jug. I did manage to step out in the evening to go to a friends house for a little chit chat and reality tv, which was a welcomed relief from my trying week. After a blissful two hours of adult company, I went home to make my deposit and go to bed. The next morning I planned to take my container to the lab before Chris left for work and then jet back to the house to pick up Garrett and Mary and then jet to Garrett's occupational therapy session.

It was another long night with the big girl bed battle and we all slept a little late. There was 3 inches of snow on the driveway which had to be dealt with, so Chris worked on clearing a path out of our driveway. In the meantime, a lost dog wandered into our driveway and I managed to get a phone number off of his tag. I called the owners and it turns out they are are currently in Maryland, but their parent was looking after the dog. Golly, he must have chased a squirrel or something and ran away. They used their phone to call dad. Dad would put on his shoes and coat and come right over. Meanwhile, Chris was holding onto the dogs collar and petting it so that it would not run away again. Turns out the dog had some sort of fecal problem of his own and Chris had to remove the offensive odor from himself before going to work. What this all amounts to is that I could not take my container into the lab before Garrett's occupational therapy. I decided I'd just have to solve that problem later. With the smelly dog returned to his owner, and a fresh husband, we took off for our destinations.

After OT, God gave me a gift. Her name is Amy and she offered to have Garrett over for the entire afternoon. Oh, what bliss. What joy! I immediately surrendered my son to the angel and set off for home to get my pee. This was great. It would be ever so much easier to turn in my pee with one child than two. With my jug in hand, I set off for the lab. Mary and I parked in the parking garage and I strapped her in the stroller. I then cleverly attached the bag that held my container to the back of the stroller and set off for the building. There is some construction at the hospital, so we had to take a detour around the garage, which was a longer, colder walk, but what did it matter? No problem. Much better to do this with one child than two and I am a person who likes to count her blessings.

To my great relief there was no waiting at the lab and I eagerly approached the counter with my offering. I looked into the bag to get the container. Once again, to my shock and horror, somehow the contents of my container had escaped into the bag! Thank God I chose a strong bag with no holes. My hard earned, sacrificial sample was sloshing around in the bag. The lab tech looked at me like I was hopeless. I felt hopeless. I had heard sloshing during the trek from the parking garage, but I thought everything was contained in the CONTAINER. What kid of cheap lids do they put on these things? All I could do is look at the lab tech and ask her for a new container.

As if that wasn't enough, I decided to go ahead with my blood work and got a young blood-drawer person who revealed that she is an identical twin. I can't help myself in these situations. I said, "Me too." She said, "Oh, are you identical." I said, "Yep." She said, "Does your twin sister have kids too?" I said, "Nope, she died. We were 19." She gave me what I call the maximal look of pity and started to tell me how close she is to her sister, how she can't imagine ever not having her, she had had a brother too, and he died, so she can kinda imagine what that would be like, but gosh, her sister, she just didn't know how that would be. She has considered renting a house in her sister's neighborhood, but maybe that's too close. "Whaddya think?" I told her, "I understand that it's hard to know where the boundary should be between her and her sister and that it's good to stretch your independent muscles now and then." I thought my blood would never fill those tubes quick enough.

I'm a tough cookie, if I do say so myself. But, sometimes I just cannot stand feeling like a survivor. In that lab, with my lost pee, and the feeling of the blood going out of me, and my empty stomach making my head feel light, and the happy, conflicted twin going on about her twinness, and the knowledge that I would have no time to myself and no twin sister to call and make it all seem like a funny story, I actually felt the tinniest bit sorry for myself. Mary started to cry and fidget and the nurse gave her a Mickey Mouse sticker, which she dropped 3 times on the way back to car. She cried, "Mickey, mickey, mickey! Oh, no, lost it." Every time I doubled back to look for the sacred sticker. Mickey, Mary, and I all made it home and then God gave me another gift. Mary went to sleep in her big girl bed without crying and slept for 2 hours.

That night I went to dinner and wine tasting with a friend and I felt pretty lucky to have the opportunity to end my week on such a nice note.

In tomorrow's edition of this story, I will tell you about why, despite the frustration, I still think I have it pretty good!

Thanksgiving

We had a very nice Thanksgiving Day. In fact, we had a great Thanksgiving week. Grandmother and Granddaddy Fraley drove up for a visit and helped us celebrate our holiday. We made lots of yummy food, the kids went for great walks with their grandparents and enjoyed the last few days of nice weather. We were especially happy to have them with us because we are not doing any traveling for the holidays this year. Here is our Thanksgiving Day photo. It may be the only picture in history that includes all four of us, with nobody crying. Now that is something for which we can be grateful!

Spiderham!

You are all familiar with your friendly neighborhood Spiderman, that clever red-suited hero that can climb tall buildings, spin webs, and save mankind. But, are you aware of that lesser known super hero Spiderham? She's about 2.5 feet tall, wears a red suit, and has two known rivals: Garrett and mommy.

I'm talking about Mary, of course. At least that's her "real" name. When special action is required, such as hiding all the toothbrushes, dropping things in the toilet, and steeling Garrett's breakfast, she is SPIDERHAM!

Garrett got a cool Spidey suit before Halloween for filling up his bean jar and Mary wasted no time having her shot at the costume. She followed me around the house, dragging the Spidey suit behind her, saying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, this on! Spidaham? Spidaham? Mommy, want it on!" Finally I agreed to put it on her. I told her it was too big as I put each arm and leg in the appropriate hole. She just said, "Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, spidaham!" She bounced with glee. I told her to hold still while I rolled up the sleeves and pants.

Once the costume was on, a visible change came over her face. Her expression said, "Muahhhhh! What small act of evil can I accomplish right now?" She jumped off the chair, Spiderham style and said, "Garrett, wook! MY spidaham!"

Spiderham has been seen roaming house, looking for trouble. She particularly likes to hide behind the Christmas tree and remove ornaments when nobody is looking. She likes to take the gifts from under the tree and place them in unlikely places, like the bowl of the Kitchen Aid mixer. She pulls all of the DVDs off the shelf with a single swipe.

Spiderham is not to be fooled with. If you see Spiderham, do not let her know that you know her identity! Pretend not to see her taking things and hiding them, for example. Carefully follow the object in her possession and replace it when she isn't looking. If you suspect that Spiderham is in your area, close all bathroom doors and lock down toilet lids if possible. NEVER leave a toilet unflushed! Place all items that you do not wish to lose in a Spiderham-proof vault (note: Spiderham has been spotted trying to pick bathroom locks with q-tips).

Spiderham could one day rule the world!

Garrett Names His Dog!

Garrett adores his stuffed dog. He's had it since he was about 6 months old. I bought it for $1.99 at Walgreens during the Easter season of Garrett's first year because Chris and Garrett has lost a similar colored bear while out on a stroll. Garrett really liked the bear and I hoped that the dog would be an acceptable replacement. He took to the dog immediately. I began to worry that the puppy would go missing (as the bear had) and guarded it with my life. Since it was just a cheap dog, it had no official tag on it that could give me some clue about how to get a replacement dog.

Then, the following Easter, I went back to Walgreens and searched the many boxes and bins for another dog just like Garrett's. God was smiling on me because I found one lone dog! I named him "Back-Up Puppy" and put him away in a safe place.

Soon, Original Puppy took on a gently used and well-loved look. Garrett would twist his ears and tail as he fell asleep. He dragged it with him everywhere. It accompanied us on every plane trip and subway ride. I worried that if Original Puppy was ever lost, Back Up Puppy would look too new and Garrett would know that it was an impostor! I began alternating the dogs so that they would be equally loved.

On one visit to California, Original Puppy went missing. My mom had been shopping in Target with Garrett and I was waiting for her in the car. She came out of the store and I immediately noticed that Original Puppy was gone. I asked, "Where is the dog?" She said, "Oh, I don't think we had him." I said, "Yes, you had him." I became frantic (imagine Parker Posey looking for "Busy Bee" in Best in Show). We searched Target to no avail. You can only imagine the suffering that my mom endured, knowing she was partly responsible for the loss of the beloved dog. I spent the next three days looking in random Walgreens for another one. I can tell you now that there are only two in this world: the one lost in Target and Back-up Puppy. When we got home to Chicago, I pulled out the slightly worn Back Up Puppy, and he has been a trusted (and very closely guarded) friend ever since.

So, now that we're clear on the relevance of the dog, let me tell you about the strange and momentous thing that happened this week. Garrett's first words were dog and ball. And thus, the puppy was always called, "Dog." Many times friendly adults have attempted to learn the name of Garrett's dog. The conversation goes something like this:
"Hi there! Is that your dog?"
"Yes," says Garrett.
"He's cute. What's his name?"
"Dog."
"Yes, he's a dog. Did you give him a name."
Garrett looks at the kind person as if they are totally deaf and says, "Um... his name DOG."

Garrett can often be heard saying things like, "Mommy, I want Dog to come too." Or, "Mommy, Dog will stay here." Or, "Oh, no! Dog, watch out!" And, "Mommy, I love my Dog very so much!"

Recently, Garrett has learned to spell his name. He spells it for me at least 10 times a day. He is also interested in learning how to spell the names of his friends. It should come as no surprise that Garrett would want to spell his dog's name and it suddenly occurred to him that his dog does not have a name. Last weekend we were reading Dr. Seuss's ABC book and talking about letters. Garrett was identifying the letters of his name and twirling the ears of his dog. He looked at me and asked, "Mommy, what is Dog's name?"

I said, "I think his name is Dog."
He said, "No, it's not."
"Do you want to give him a different name?"
"Yes, I think so."
"What do you want to call him?"
"I don't know."
"Hm. How about Pete?"
He giggled and said, "No!"
I suggested a few more, "Howard? William?" He just laughed and said I was silly. I said, "Do you just want to call him Dog?"
"No, mommy I want him to have a name."
"How about Ramon?"
"OH! Okay. I think that's it."

Don't ask me where I got Ramon (rah-moan). Don't ask me why Garrett likes the name. We don't know anyone named Ramon. I was sure the name wouldn't stick, but this morning Chris looked at me funny and said, "Garrett says his dog has a name. Ramon?"

It stuck. I would like to introduce to you, Garrett's most treasured companion, Ramon. We don't know anyone named Dog.

Congratulations, Not In Order

When we were in California, I noticed that my wedding band was cracked. The band has a leafy, vine-like design and the vine had somehow broken. Fortunately we bought the ring in California so I was able to take it to the jeweler to have it fixed. The jeweler has some sort of magical power to make my lovely ring sparkle like a holiday.

When I picked up the ring from the jeweler, I had Garrett with me. I got in the car and said, "Garrett, do you see my ring? It's sparkling." He said, "Oh, mommy, it looks bootiful." I said, "Thanks, Garrett. Do you know what Garrett? Daddy gave me that ring as a special present." He said, "Oh Mommy! Congratulations!"

One, two, tree, sixteen, BOON!

I hate to brag. (Bragging will now commence.) My precious daughter has the fine motor ability to stack 16 wooden blocks. She starts out like most children. One block, now another, here's a third. She starts to feel like something special happens around block 7. She gets a little smile and says, "Uh oh, ooohh!" She selects another block and carefully places number 8. If she is on the floor or working at the table, the stack of blocks becomes to high to place the next block with her short, little arm.

She is not deterred. She stands up or stands on the chair and keeps on building. Each block builds suspense. She starts to say, "Uh oh, boon." Boon is her word for BOOM! She is trying to say, "Will my super special tower of blocks fall this time?" I say, "Mary, wow! You have so many blocks!" I count them and she counts with me. She says, "One, two, tree, seven, seven, nine, six!" Eventually the tower falls and she puts her hands in the air and says, "BOON!" Then she looks like this:

Garrett's occupational therapist says that Mary should be able to stack 6-8 blocks at her age. Like I said, I hate to brag, but I simply can't help myself.

Arrrr!! The Treasure She's Mine!

I know what you're thinking: Oh, my God, there is actually a new post! Perhaps you thought I had abandoned you forever. No, actually, I have been thinking about Those of You Who Read My Blog quite a bit. I feel a little guilty for neglecting you.

Following my Potter obsession and Post Potter Depression, I was busy entertaining summer guests and visiting my beloved Martinez and it's highly regarded inhabitants. I guess I was just busy. People had babies. I wanted to cook for them. People had problems. I wanted to talk to them. I got tired and wanted to watch mindless television instead of writing. Even if I was in the mood to write and had the time, I would have preferred to be writing fiction and pop psychology. I didn't write that either, but it was nice to think about.

But today something happened that I need to share with those of you who follow the goings on of Mr. Mo and Miss Moo. Today Garrett filled his bean jar. Allow me to explain.

For the past month we have rewarded all of Garrett's good deeds with a dried Garbanzo bean. He was having a little trouble listening to his mommy. So, I told him, "Garrett, every time you do something good, or listen to mommy, or act like a big boy, you will get a bean. When the bean jar is all filled up, then you can have a surprise!"

Garrett said, "OH! Okay! Maybe I can go to that toy store and get a guy." He was referring to his Pappo figurines, which depict various warriors, pirates and fierce creatures.

I said, "Sure, you can pick out a new guy." A week later we went to Walmart (I feel it is necessary to say here that I NEVER go to Walmart as I am against their impact of the American economy. However, I live in a small(ish) town and sometimes you have to do what you have to do to find a particular item. In this case I was looking for a Safety First bed rail for Mary).

At Walmart, Garrett spotted the many Halloween costumes on display. If ever there was a child who was meant for a costume, it is Garrett. Holy moly, he wears them all year long. He still wears his dragon costume from last year. While we were in the forbidden Walmart, Garrett spied a pirate costume that he Must Take Home! He was devastated when we did not take it home. It was all I heard about for hours and hours.

Finally, I said, "Garrett, if you fill your bean jar, you may have the costume." He was delighted that a solution had presented itself.

He said, "Okay mommy, I get my beans and we go get that costume and bring it home."

"Yes, that's the general idea, " I said.

Over the next few days and then weeks every time Garrett got a bean, he reminded me that he would get the pirate costume and bring it home. I started to worry that the pirate costume would no longer be available when the bean jar was filled. I spent my free mornings looking for the blessed costume. It was not to be found. It turns out that Garrett saw a pirate costume for an adult man, not a young boy!

Alas, pirate costumes started to appear. We are in the year of the third installment of Pirates of the Carribean, after all. There is no shortage of $30 Jack Sparrow costumes.

Truly, these costumes suck. They come without the boots. They don't include a sword. Hats are purchased separately. What kind of pirate would just buy a vest, a flouncy shirt, and some pants? Terrible.

While I searched for a reasonably priced, adequately suited pirate costume, the bean jar started to fill. Fliers advertising the sale of costumes arrived in the mail. Garrett started to request additional costumes. He poured over the fliers and said, "OH MOMMY!!! Look at this Spiderman one! I need a Spiderman costume too! Mommy! When I fill that bean jar, I need TWO costumes: Pirate and Spiderman. Okay?"

Oh dear.

In a matter of days, Garrett added yet another costume to his grand reward. I don't know how to tell you about this costume. He saw it on an episode of Scooby Doo. Some dude is wearing a gown-like robe with a scary rubbery mask, designed to frighten away those meddling kids. The monster raises his arms above his head, wags his tongue and says, "Bluh-blugh, blubbety blugh blugh blugh!!!!" Then he chases Scooby and Shaggy until he is unmasked by the clever Thelma, Fred, and Daffney. You can image my confusion when Garrett announced, "Mommy, when I fill that bean jar, I will get THREE costumes: that Spiderman costume, that pirate costume, and that Blugh-blugh-blughbetty-blugh-blugh costume," while waving his arms in the air so that I would be sure which costume he meant.

Oh dear again.

It takes a lot longer to fill a bean jar than you might think. Just try to fill one every time you think you are worthy. After 30+ days of listening to mommy, going to bed without milk, sharing with Mary, saying please and thank you, finishing every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, doing well at Speech Therapy, being a good boy at school, and generally being a 4 year old superstar, Garrett filled his bean jar!

Today I invited Garrett to wear his pirate costume (see below for where I found said costume). Today he wore it with pride. He let Mary wear the hat. He stared at himself in every available reflective surface of our house. To my utter astonishment, he did not ask for the Spiderman costume (which I have hidden away because I am a total pushover mommy), or the blughbity-blugh-blugh costume, which does not exist. Today he is simply Pirate Garrett, Master of the Sea, Earner of Beans.


P.S. I found the Pirate Costume at The Children's place. It still cost 30 bucks, but it is nice enough to last us all year.

P.S.S. I'll post a picture of Garrett in his costume tomorrow. Did you think you'd get a post and a picture all in one day?

Potter's Eve

You may have noticed the lapse in my writing this summer. In addition to hosting some very welcomed visitors, I have been too preoccupied with my Potter obsession to write about Miss Moo and Mr. Mo. You see, Mr. Potter and I have a very important date tomorrow night (July 21, 2007 Midnight). In preparation for the 7th and final book in the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I have meticulously re-read books 1-6, have carefully perused several "speculation" books, and have dutifully listened to all of the recent MuggleCast podcasts. I'm ready to have all the answers that book 7 promises to deliver.

My Potter interest will always be linked with the 7th month of my pregnancy with Miss Moo. At that time my back was killing me and I had some trouble sleeping. Some friends suggested that I read the Harry Potter books while I was resting. (Interestingly, I watched the first Harry Potter movie while I was timing my contractions with Garrett, so the thought of engaging the written Potter while waiting for Mary appealed to me.) Book 6 had just been released so I set out to read the lot and see what the big deal was about the famous Harry Potter.

Before too long I was wanting to "scourgify" the house instead of clean it. I wanted to incant "accio milk!" when Garrett woke in the night. Summoning charms would make life so much easier. I imagined little house elves emptying the diaper bin and picking up the toys. Oh, if only I had a wand and a house elf! I also spent wakeful moments considering the interesting perspectives of adolescents, such as Harry and his friends, and older and sometimes wiser seasoned individuals, such as Dumbledore and his colleagues. J.K. Rowling has a gift for relating the thought processes, motives, and emotional triggers of people of all ages. In short, there is a little something for everyone in the Harry Potter novels.

Book 7 is the only book in the series that I have had to wait for. But I am glad that I can say that I waited for it-- that I was part of an fan base that counted down the days for a much anticipated work of fiction. I often think of how thrilling it was for my grandmother to eagerly purchase the next L.M. Montgomery novel and discover what could be learned about the latest adventures and life experiences of her favorite literary character Anne of Green Gables. My grandma turned me on to the idea of reading when I was in grade school and lent me her personal copies of the precious early editions of her "Anne books." My own copies of Harry Potter won't be as special, but the thrill of watching Garrett and Mary open the Sorcerer's Stone for the first time will be great.

Tomorrow morning I will go to Border's bookstore where I have reserved my copy of Deathly Hallows. I will get my wristband and reserve my place in line for the midnight release of the book. I will head out to Border's at 10:00 pm and take a peek at the other muggles who are chomping at the bit for their book. At 11:00 pm I will attend the Border's Release Party where I will have to take in the experience as a deaf person because I intend to wear earplugs and avoid any gossip of spoilers or plot leaks. After obtaining my copy I will go home, put on my pjs, fire up the coffee pot, and finally learn if and how Harry Potter will triumph over the evil Lord Voldemort!

I will not write, call, read the news, check my e-mail, or anything of that sort until I'm done reading. I will, however, take time out to celebrate my sixth wedding anniversary. Chris and I are quickly learning sign language so that I can take my earplugs with me on our date-- 'cause you just know that the other people at the restaurant will be talking Potter and they'll reveal the end of the book or some tasty detail that I have been waiting to savor myself!

Happy reading to all you fellow fans. If you're not a Potter fan, this weekend would be a great time to run errands or take a trip; you may be the only person on the road. See you after "The End."

"Tay too, mommy" and Other New Sounds

I need to play a little catch up on Mary and Garrett's developments!

Lately Mary is saying "Tay too" (thank you) for everything. If I hand her a goldfish, she says "tay too, Mommy." Sometimes she says, "Oh, tay too."
She is no longer saying "ghee". She says something more like "he go" for "here ya go."
She is frequently asking where people are. She asks for her daddy all day ("where daddy go?"). When her daddy gets home she gets really excited and screams Daddy! and runs to him. Then she kind of forgets that she had been wondering about him all day. If I try to escape to another area of the house, she finds me. Or I can hear her all around the house saying, "Where mommy go?" When she wakes up in the morning she asks, "Where g-mamma go? Where g-daddy?" She had a visit from her grandmother and granddaddy Fraley and she is wondering where they went.
If I scold her and say, "Mary, no! Don't touch that." She responds by saying, "No! Stop!" She loves to tell me to STOP!
She has started saying "happy" and "scary."
She loves the Teletubbies, whom she affectionately calls "Bubbies."
She calls outside "side" and she wants to go "side" all the time. She likes to wear her snow boots and tromp around.
Perhaps the most idiosyncratic of all of Mary's expressions right now is "Bye-bye! See you!" She does it all the time. She says it to people at the grocery store, to waiters, to her shows (Bye-bye show! See you!") to anything that she leaves behind. When she's ready for bed she says, "Bauble of nilk! Night night. Bye bye see you."
Mary will pick up any telephone, which she calls a "hello", or anything that remotely resembles a telephone and start talking into it. She talks and talks and talks and talks! Then she signs off, bye-bye see you!

Jumbo Shrimp and Goldfish

Mary and Garrett started their swim lessons this week. Mary goes at 8:30 in the morning and I get in the pool with her. She's a Jumbo Shrimp. Garrett goes at 10:00 and he takes a class with an instructor and two other kids. He's a Goldfish. Those of you who have known me since puberty know that I DO NOT get in pools and I most certainly DO NOT wear swimsuits. Let my behavior this week, which included both the wearing of suits and the entering of pools, be a testament of my love for my children. One blessing is that the pool is indoors and I can avoid the heat which I also actively avoid.

First let me say that a baby in a swimsuit, exploring the water is about the cutest thing in the world. The children's pool at our aquatic center is wonderful. It can be entered the way you enter the water at the beach, where the depth gradually increases from 0 depth to 3 ft. 6 inches. It has a little dinosaur slide for the kids to go down and land in 2 inches of water. When we first entered the pool area, Mary said "ooohhhhh!" and immediately headed for the water with absolutely no fear. I almost failed to stop her. Our first class basically allowed her to explore the water and get comfortable with being in it. She loves to walk in the shallow parts and go down the slide. For our second class Mary and I stayed in the part of the pool where Mary cannot touch the bottom. I have to hold her in a swim position, with her face looking at my face, and encourage her to kick her feet.

Today one of the instructors said, "Would you like to encourage Mary to put her head under the water?" My eyes almost popped out of my head. Put her head under the water? They do know that babies can't breathe under the water, right? What if she swallows the water and drowns in front of my eyes? Good Lord. Another mother had the instructor dunk her baby because she didn't have the stomach for it. I didn't think I could do it either. But the instructor was very supportive and assured me that babies have an instinct to hold their breath and said Mary would be fine. I said, okay, here goes. It was probably the quickest dunk in all of baby swimming history because I was so nervous. Mary came up with her wet head, looked a little surprised and thought nothing of it. Whew.

When Garrett has his lesson, Mary and I watch from the mezzanine. Garrett likes to wave at us. We wave back. We clap when he does something impressive, like use a kick board and let his teacher hold him in a float position. The first time I handed him over to the instructor a wave of fear came over me. I said, "He doesn't know anything." I wanted to give the instructor his biography or something. Before you put my son in that pool, you should know that he has trouble holding a pencil. He'll probably want to splash the other children. He's very sensitive and you should tell him that he's doing a good job whenever he does the slightest thing. His birthday is January 31 and he's an Aquarius. Will that help? He's tall for his age and isn't as old as he looks. When he says, "My name-a-Garit," he's telling you that his name is Garrett. Two Rs, two Ts.

Fortunately, Garrett did just fine without me giving his instructor the 411. He's about as happy as a kid can be and he tells me ALL MORNING that it's Garrett's turn to get in the pool. Given the bliss that we are all experiencing in the pool, I took it upon myself to buy Chris a swimsuit too. When he gets in the pool it will truly be the summer of miracles.

Can't Buy Me Love

This story is almost too cute to believe. Yesterday we hosted a party for Isabela's mommy and daddy, who are expecting a baby next month. All the kids had a great time playing together, but Isabela and Garrett were particularly attached. Isabela "protected" Garrett from some of the other girls and Garrett supported Isabela's ideas for play. At one point Isabela and Garrett bumped heads and Garrett cried. Isabela cried because Garrett was crying and somehow felt responsible for the incident. In order to get Isabela to stop crying, I had to get Garrett to stop crying and tell Isabela that he was okay.

Today we went over to Isabela's house to pick up some of the remaining party supplies. It was a beautiful morning and we spent some time visiting in their beautiful yard. The kids disappeared into the house and played inside. After a while our parent sensors went off and we decided we had better make sure the kids were not getting into trouble in the house. We entered the house and witnessed this scene: Isabela was wearing a pretty dress, Garrett had been dressed in a sport-coat style jacket over his t-shirt and they were slow dancing 8th-grade style to instrumental Beatles music. They realized we were watching, got mildly embarassed and sat on the couch about 3 inches apart with their hands in their laps. It was so darn cute.

Back from washington, D.C.

Garrett and Mary and I just returned from a great visit with our friends in Washington, D.C. We spent a few days with the Fischer Family: Emily, Bill, Aidan (3.5) and Ella (2); and then a few days with the Lynch Family: Anna, Steve, Connor (2.5), and Kerrigan (15 mos.). With Garrett and Mary added to the mix it was a lot of kids, but they all played so well together it was actually an easier parenting situation than I normally experience. Of course a major factor in the ease of parenting was the presence of two other fantastic and considerate mommies (Emily and Anna). Garrett loved playing with the boys and having some other kids with whome he could horse around. Since Garrett was occupied playing with the boys, Mary was free to explore the new mecca of toys. I had many moments of pride in the families that Emily, Anna, and I have created.

We also had the joy of visiting with our "Fraunt" Heather, who drove from New York to visit with us and our children. I had a wonderful and rare opportunity to leave Garrett and Mary with Anna and Emily and go out with Heather for some lunch and shopping. I owe a debt of gratitude to Anna and Em for giving me the opportunity to a) visit with a friend that I rarely get to see, b) go with that friend to a lunch in a restaurant that was absent of wiggling children, and c) and shop with my very best shopper friend.

Garrett and Mary are busy talking about their new friends and are eager to return. I hope it will be soon!

Donk, Donk, Juice and Other Children's Games

Garrett recently attended a birthday party and learned some new games. He played Red Light, Green Light, Mother May I, and Duck Duck Goose. Ever since the party he has been asking Chris and me if we'd like to play Donk, Donk, Juice! It's so funny. Even when we play the game and I remind him that it is called, "Duck, Duck, Goose!" he still says Donk, Donk, Juice! I kind of like the Donk! Donk! because the tap on the head could be called a donk.

Last Thursday Garrett and I went to a dance recital on campus. The show was 3 hours long and Garrett wanted to watch every minute of it. He loved watching the acrobats, tap dancers, and ballet dancers. He thought the costumes were really cool. Since the theater was just a 15 minute walk from our house, we walked home. On the way, we played Red Light, Green Light. Garrett really likes the yellow light command because he likes to walk in slow motion. I really wanted to get home and was pushing for green light commands. We had a very nice night out together and I resolved to spend more special alone time with Garrett.

Today Mary gave me three kisses. Two of them required her to lean over her lunch plate to reach my face. Also, when I picked Mary up from MMO she said, "HI!!!!" at the top of her lungs and then started talking really fast as if she was telling me all about her morning. Chiming in at the top of the affection charts, Garrett said, "Mommy, I so much love you" about 30 times. Life is good.

Garrett Gets a New Emotion

In the past year and a half Garrett has often told me that his is sad or happy. He is very good at being happy. He laughs, jumps for joy, smiles and says he loves me, hugs everyone, claps, and all that other happy stuff. He is also very good at being sad. He says, "Oh, mommy, I so sad," with his head hung low, feet shuffling like Charlie Brown, and his big puppy eyes staring up at me as if to say, "Make the pain go away." Keep in mind that he is usually sad over something like he can't have ice cream for lunch.

This week I have learned that Garrett is not so great at being, or at least staying, angry. After he poked Mary in the eye for the third time (while I was helplessly driving the car), I turned around and yelled at him in a very angry mommy voice. I said, "Garrett! I told you twice not to do that and you did it again! I said DON'T HURT YOUR SISTER! Now you better listen to me, or you're going to be in big trouble." I was so angry.

Garrett started to cry and said, "Don't talk to me mommy!"
I said, "That is not a nice thing to say to your mother. You need to listen to me. You can't hurt your sister."
He huffed and he puffed and said, "I angry mommy! I'm SO ANGRY!"
I said, "You're angry, huh?" I huffed back.
"Yes!"
"Well, you know what you need when you're angry?"
He looked at me quizzically. He didn't know the answer. I said, "You need a kiss." I put my lips out. He smiled and gave me a kiss. I said, "Isn't that better?"
He said, "Yes. I kiss you cheek too."

Now we have a little game. When he gets in trouble and I tell him to behave, he says, "I'm so angry!" and I say, "Then let's have a kiss."

Miss Moo News

This week Miss Moo is really enjoying waving bye bye to everyone. Sticking her hand way up in the air like she's on a Rose Bowl float, she waves and says, "Bye bye! Bye bye!" We went out to dinner on Monday night and she waved bye bye to the waiters and waitresses as they passed by. She very cheerfully waves bye bye to her teachers and fellow toddlers at MMO as well.

Also in the Moo news this week, Mary is proudly saying sun, Yowee Yahoo (Scooby Doo character), Beast! (when requesting Beauty and the Beast), seat (when she wants to sit in her stroller), and bottle.

Mary's latest objects of fascination can be found exclusively in the bathroom. She is drawn to the toilet bowl brush, faucets, toothbrushes, and the toilet paper roll.

Finally, please give Mary a big round of applause for surviving several eye-poking attacks, and at least three Frisbee attacks from Garrett. I am happy to report that she still has her head with both eyes still in it.

Gratitude

I am aware that I have an empty space in my blog. I'm sure those of you who check for updates are frustrated that I haven't posted in a couple weeks. But lately, I have been absorbing how grateful I am to be Garrett and Mary's mommy and I have been too caught up in the moment to write it all down. Actually, I have been thinking about how to better capture my parenting experiences in addition to writing about the wonderful little moments in Mary and Garrett's life. In honor of Mother's Day I would like to express my gratitude for my little Miss Moo and my loving Mr. Mo.

Last night we went out to dinner with some friends and Garrett was so good in the restaurant. I was so pleased to have his company. Mary is in a phase where she wants to call all the shots and she refused to sit in a high chair. Chris had to spend the entire meal outside with her (more on Mary's new found opinions later). They each have their moments of playing angel and demon, but even the demonic moments are special to me because they tell me so much about Mary and Garrett's preferences, emotions, and traits. Generally, I have a really good time with the kids and I think I have a lot more patience now that my thyroid issue is resolved and Mary is taking a very predictable nap in the afternoon.

I love how Garrett is so excited by everything. He is happy to go to school, happy to tell me what he did in school, happy to go to the mall and get his taco, happy to have his ice cream after Mary goes to bed, thrilled to see his dog and to say good morning to Mary whenever she wakes up. The other day I took him shopping for a Spiderman shirt. For $8 I totally made his week. He loved picking out the color and design of the shirt. He told everyone about it, just has he did with his new shoes a few months ago. He is growing a tomato plant and he loves to go out and water it with his special watering can. If he loses something, he is overjoyed to find it. He likes to hold hands with his friends, and share his toys, snacks, and hugs. He is just so happy about everything.

Today Garrett and I were going to a birthday party. On the way to the party he told me, "I love you, mommy."
I said, "I love you too, Garrett."
He said, "You're my sweet mommy."
I said, "Aw. You're my sweet, Garrett."
He said, "You're my sweet, good girl. And Mary is my sweet baby."
Garrett loves to tell me about the people that he loves and he wants me to know the names of all his friends. Lately he wants to tell everyone to have a good week.

I dread the day when Garrett's heart is broken. I think everyone has their heart broken at some point. Most of us experience grief. When Garrett's turn comes around it will be the saddest moment ever. Because I have already known sadness, Garrett's joy and sincerity is precious to me. I am so grateful for the balance he has brought to my life.

Now Mary is a different child entirely. She hugs me, smiles at me, and tries to engage me in silly little games, and loves to be on the move. But I also deeply suspect that she is on a top-secret mission to rule the world. We are not permitted to know her true objectives. We are supposed to fall for this baby act she puts on while she gathers data for her true superiors. Personally, I love how purposeful and motivated Mary is. Whether she's rinsing toothbrushes in the sink (for 20 minutes at a time), arranging herself in a chair after selecting a book, trying to fake me out in the mall and taking off in a different direction, or moving her food from her plate to the table to the floor, she does everything with resolve and intention. She doesn't just wake up in the morning and wait to see what the world will give her; she wakes up with a plan. One day very soon, she will be discussing the plan with me. I can't wait to hear it.

Even though Mary is just 18 months old, she reminds me about how important it is to be passionate about what you do. I am so excited for her that she was born with a natural talent for finding passion and following through.

I'm sure that Garrett and Mary and I will have many challenges as we are all continually growing and changing. We may not always understand each other, but I hope that we will always appreciate each other. I hope they will always know how grateful I am that they are my children and that my love for them is boundless.

A Girl Who Knows What She Wants-- and how to get it.

Mary is going to outsmart us all. She comes up with new words all the time. Her latest words are Elmo, baby, and happy. Everytime I get her out of her crib, she hands me her empty bottle, then hands me her shoes, and runs down the hall and says, "SHOW!" She goes to the portable DVD player where the Elmo show lives and presses the play button. When we go down stairs, she will hand me her coat if she plans to go out. She goes into the kitchen and will hand me a cup with the matching lid and request juice or water. Sometimes when she's hungry, she gets out her personal plate and sets it on the table. When we're at the play area in the mall, she plans elaborate strategies to escape the play area and run for the coin operated cars and animals. For example, she'll pretend that she's taking particular delight in an object just inside the play area, while feasting her eyes 0n her real objective. Then, when it seems that she can get a healthy start on me, she takes off, laughing with satisfaction. I bought her one of those things that looks like a child's backpack, but is actually a leash. Garrett put his on with total glee. His looks like a dog. He immediately wanted to pretend that he was a dog and I was the dog walker. Mary's was shaped like a monkey. As I approached her to put it on, she screeched and ran away. It was like she was saying, "I'm not a fool. Get that restricting contraption far away from me." I should have known that you can't leash a monkey. I told Chris, "We have to watch out for this one. She's going to sneak out of her bedroom window when she's 13. She will know how to avoid the creaky stairs. She will learn to hotwire a car." I'm really hoping that it will be possible to put GPS tracking devices on your children before Mary hits puberty. Her will and determination is both the best thing and the worst thing about her! Unfortunately for Mary, I know her type very well and I'm ready to take her on; the person she is named after was just like her! Fortunately for Mary, the fact that she is like her namesake means that she will enjoy many passionate, fulfilled, and humorous moments in her life.

So Sweet!

Today I bought Garrett some child safety scissors so that he can learn to cut paper. Yesterday I got him a cutting workbook, and I was actually excited to get the scissors so that we could get busy cutting! Garrett is a good snipper, but he has trouble making directed cuts or cutting a paper in half. When I picked up Garrett from school today I said, "Garrett, I got you a surprise!" He said, "A surprise?" I said, "Yep. It's in the car and you can have it when we get home." He said, "Oh, thank you, mommy. That's so sweet of you." I had to laugh at his very genuine appreciation. I said, "Garrett, you're sweet." I thought he would ask me about the surprise in the car and that I would have to tell him that he could have it later. But he didn't mention it all. He talked about his day at school and told me when I had a green light or a red light. He asked me for a Scooby Snack (graham crackers in the shape of dog bones). When we got home, he happily pounced out of the car, went to the door, waited for me to unlock it, went inside, took off his jacket and said, "Mommy, can I have that surprise now!?" I said, "Yes, of course. Thank you for being so patient, Garrett. Here you go-- I got you some of your own scissors and we can play with them when Mary is napping." He said, "Oh, thank you mommy! Thank you for that surprise. We don't want Mary to touch them. Time for Mary to go to bed." I said, "First we have lunch, then Mary goes to bed, then we learn to use the scissors." He ate his entire lunch and let Mary hold the scissors, still wrapped in their package. After Mary was in bed, I brought out the workbook and encouraged him to hold the scissors in a particular way and try to cut the lines on the pages. But all Garrett wanted to do was to cut something in the shape of a shark fin and tape it to his back so that he could pretend to be a shark in the water. How could I say no to the sweetest little shark in the whole ocean?

Two Chefs in My Kitchen

Today Olivia came over to play with us while her mommy took her brother to the doctor. Garrett loves to play with Olivia because she is so happy and passionate about everything. I had set up some crayons and markers and paper for Olivia and Garrett to busy themselves with while I attempted an early dinner prep. (I had the fortunate situation of Mary taking a long nap and Garrett being totally enthralled with Olivia.) Miss Olivia doesn't miss a thing. The minute she saw me put on my apron she said, "Oh, that's pretty!" I said, "Thank you, Olivia. This is my apron. Would you like to wear one?" She assertively said, "Yes." Garrett said, "Me too!" Olivia chose the apron with the cherries and Garrett chose the yellow flowers. I thought they would just run off and play in the aprons, but instead Olivia said, "What are we making?" I said, "Oh, well, let's see. We are roasting chicken. Would you like to help." Olivia said, "Yes, I will help." Garrett said, "Me too, mom." I said, okay, "Well, the chicken has been cleaned and now we are going to baste the pieces with olive oil. I gave them each a basting brush and they painted the pieces. Then I put on all the herbs and spices and the kids each squeezed half a lemon into a bowl. We added the fresh lemon juice to the chicken. I said, "Okay, that's it. Now we put it in the oven." Olivia watched the chicken disappear into the oven and said, "Now what else are we going to make?" She had no intention of wrapping up her cooking lesson anytime soon. I said, "Hmm... we'll have chicken and salad and pasta for dinner... we'll need dessert. How about cupcakes?" Shouts of joy filled the kitchen. So we set about making our cupcakes. Mary woke up from her nap and Olivia's mommy and brother, Caleb, returned just as the cupcakes were coming out of the oven. We all visited with each other while the cupcakes were cooling and then we frosted, decorated, and ate them! Mary had a little trouble with her cake, but she managed to transfer most of the frosting from the cupcake to her body. It was a most enjoyable afternoon.

Words of Advice

I can't remember if I've mentioned it, but a few weeks ago Garrett was having a little trouble at school. He wanted to play dragons and swords and dinosaurs with his best buddy, Sangho, but didn't realize that his play was too rough. We had to have lots of chats about safe and friendly play. I would talk to Garrett on the way to school, saying, "Remember, Garrett. We don't hit friends. We use friendly hands." He'd say, "Okay, mommy." After school, I get a report from Garrett's teacher. Thankfully, Garrett caught on quickly and has been a much better playmate. He is usually very proud when his teacher says, "Garrett was a good boy today."

Today we gave Chris a ride to work and as we approached the building, I said, "Garrett, say bye-bye to daddy." He said, "Bye bye daddy!" I said, "Tell daddy 'good luck today daddy.'" He said, "Good wuck, daddy. Don't hit your friends! It not friendly." Chris and I had a good laugh. For another good laugh, here's a picture of Garrett in new favorite costume.

Treasure, Popcorn Parties, and Gold Capes

Garrett went to the dentist last week. He had x-rays and he had his teeth cleaned. He was very good for the people who had to work in his mouth and was permitted to choose two pieces of treasure from the treasure chest at the end of our visit. He chose two rubber dinosaurs. Everywhere we went that day he showed everyone his dinosaurs. "Look at what I got! I got that treasure. It's two dinosaurs. You see them?" Everybody learned about Garrett's treasure: Mary's doctor, the nurses, the people in the waiting room, the pharmacist, the grocery shoppers, everyone! Occasionally Garrett would let Mary hold one of the dinosaurs. I think she was getting a little tired of Garrett boasting about his dinosaurs. When we got home Mary took her nap and Garrett and I had a popcorn party with about 10 dinosaurs and dragons. One dragon has fire coming out of his mouth and it was his job to cook the popcorn. Then the dinosaurs and dragons took turns eating and talked about how good the popcorn was (Garrett literally stuffed popcorn down their throats). It was nice to see dragons and dinosaurs getting along so well. When Mary woke up from her nap, the party was over. Garrett said, "We don't want Mary to choke on that popcorn!" I agreed. But then Garrett wanted to put on the dragon costume and try to attack Mary with the gold cape. He likes to put the cape over her head and watch her try to escape. I tell him that this is not allowed. It's not safe or friendly. After Mary was attacked for the third time, I sent Garrett to "time out" and told him that he was no longer permitted to play with the cape. Mary saw that Garrett had dropped the cape to go to his "time out" spot. She got a little devilish grin on her face and picked up the cape. She dragged it over to Garrett's time out spot, stopping just about 3 feet short of him where he could not reach her. She then started to parade the cape around and wave it in front of Garrett as if to say, "Look what I got! I got a little treasure called a gold cape!"

Trying to get to Pop and GPs and Elaina's House

Garrett has been asking to go to Pop and GP and Neena's house. He wants to play baseball and go to the park with all of them. He also wants to visit Paul and wear Paul's swim goggles. I have to explain to him that they all live far away in California. To get there we would have to fly on a plane. To get on a plane, we would have to make plans ahead of time. Shortly after discussing the logistics of getting to California, Garrett saw a plane in the sky. He said, "OH look! An airplane!" I said, "Yep, that's a big airplane." He asked, "That airplane going to Pop and GP's house?" After realizing that we wouldn't be getting on a plane any time soon, Garrett became focused on having me attach wings to his dinosaur costume so that it would become a dragon costume. Dragons can fly.... perhaps even to Pop and GPs house. I attached the wings and Garrett tried to fly, but the wings fell off and he didn't get anywhere. He was really disappointed. Garrett has realized that we're not getting on a plane and he can't fly himself to California, and he is envious of other creatures that can fly. This morning we were going to the grocery store and we passed a pond. I said, "Garrett, look at the water. It's a pond." He said, "Oh, yes. Is it a beach?" I said, "Nope, it's just a pond. And there is a duck!" He said, "Oh, is that duck going to fly away?" I said, "I don't know, but he could fly away if he wanted to." He said, "Is he going to fly to Pop and GPs house and Neena's?" Surely, if a duck could fly anywhere, he'd go to Martinez, California.

A Heart Shaped What??

Some of you might find this story distasteful. Perhaps you don't think it belongs on the blog. Perhaps it is too personal. But, I feel that this is something that an older Garrett will treasure one day as he reads about his childhood. Despite the variety of stories that I write about Miss Moo and Mr. Mo, our lives are actually quite mundane. We get up, we try to stay sane as everyone gets cleaned, dressed, fed, and prepared for departure from the house. We run errands, we go to school, we go to work, we sit around, we play, we go potty, we eat, we clean up, we play again, we eat again, we go potty again, we clean up again, daddy comes home, we eat, we clean, we take a walk, we go to bed. So, Monday was just an ordinary day with the ordinary tasks and objectives that are required to keep ourselves living our normal lives.

That is, it was ordinary until Garrett mumbled something about having to go potty, which he can mostly do on his own, unless it involves #2 and then I have to get involved. As usual, he made his "I have to go potty" proclamation and off he went. I was in a clean up cycle and was doing a few dishes. I then heard the following statements, one at a time, with brief pauses in between:
Mommy, I got a heart!
Mommy, come here!
Mommy, there's a heart!
Mommy, I go potty!
Mommy, I all DONE!
Mommy, there's a heart in here.

I turned off the tap water to see what all the fuss was about and shouted out from the kitchen:
What Garrett?
Do you need help?

He shouted back:
YES! I need help. I'm all done. I got a heart in that water! Come wook!

Did he mean to say "hurt"? Did he get hurt? I dried my hands and went to investigate. Standing in the doorway of the bathroom, full view of Garrett, his bare bottom, underwear around his ankles, looking into the toilet with awe, it became perfectly clear to me what Garrett was trying to tell me. For there in the bowl of the toilet, floating in the water, was a perfect heart-shaped poop. Yes, a heart-shaped poop. I said, "Oh, wow. You do have a heart." He said, "Yes, wook! It's a heart in there. I made it!"

You sure did.

Garrett Goes Shopping

A few days ago I took Garrett shopping at the outlets with me. The weather is starting to warm up here and Miss Moo has only warm clothes. Garrett was quite interested in the shopping. We went to the Gap Outlet and he walked around the entire store saying, "Is this Garrett's? Is this Garrett's?" I'd say, "No, that's for mommies. No that's for daddies. No, you don't need jeans." Then I saw something that Garrett had to have! I said, "Oh, Garrett, look at this!" It was tan t-shirt with a colorful dragon on it. Garrett loves dragons. He said, "OH! That's Garrett's! I want this in the car to take to Garrett's house. Mommy, this is mine, isn't it." For 4.99, I can't deny a child's happiness. I said, "Yes, that will got to our house."

Next we went to the Osh Kosh Outlet in search of Mary's spring clothing. Garrett wasted no time surveying the store and finding things that should be his. He was determined to own a pair of swimming shorts with a sccaaarrryyyy shark on them. I said, "Well, you do need a bathing suit for the summer. ... Okay, we'll take the shark trunks."

Later when we got home, Garrett said, "Mommy, I want to wear that dragon shirt and that pants with a shark. I take this off." I instructed him to keep all his clothing on because we were going to visit his friend Isabella for dinner. I said, "You have a nice red shirt on and some nice pants. Let's get ready to go." He disappeared to retrieve his dragon-slaying sword and said, "Mommy, this red shirt dirty. I need a clean shirt. How 'bout that dragon shirt, okay? Also those shark pants" I had to laugh. I said, "Nice try, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow." When we got home from Isabella's house he was still thinking about the dragon shirt. He asked to put it on and I said, "Would you like to sleep in it." He said, "YES!" He wore it all the next day and slept in it again. I was finally able to remove it from his body and put it in the laundry.

One Last Ant Story

Today Garrett was expressing more concern for the ants in the bathroom. He said, "Mommy, ants sick?" I said, "Yeah, they're sick." He found some slow moving ants and said, "Mommy, these ants tired?" I said, "Yes, they're tired." He said, "These ants need to go to sleep in mommy's bed?" He has been sleeping in my bed so he figured that if the ants are tired, that's where they should go. I could just imagine him having me cart ants upstairs, so I said, "The ants need to go home to their own beds."

Farewell to Ants

I have mentioned before that Garrett is fascinated with the ants in our downstairs bathroom. Every time he goes potty, I have to join him and attack all the ants in the vicinity. He enjoys telling me where they are and pointing out all the ants that have escaped my bathroom tissue weaponry. Sometimes when I have to go potty, he offers to get the ants for me. I think he actually enjoys scouting them out. Chris and I are DONE with the ants. We have been very patient with them and have asked them nicely to go away, but they don't seem to respond to our pleas. Therefore, I bought some child friendly ant traps and Chris strategically placed them in the bathroom. This morning when I was in the bathroom, Garrett strolled in to report for ant duty and noticed that something was awry. looking totally perplexed, he said, "Mommy? Ants fall down." I said, "Yep. Ants fall down dead." I'm a little sad to say farewell to our ritual, but I have no doubt that Garrett will find new ways to amuse himself.

What's in Your Pocket?

Today I took Garrett to the mall after school. We had a nice little picnic lunch in the food court and took a long walk around the mall. Garrett was so happy because he had things in his pockets. In his left pocket, he had my lip balm. In his right pocket, he had a purple plastic key. While we were in the mall he would stop people and say, "Hello. Guess what I got in my pocket? I got THIS!" He'd then reveal one of the special items from his pocket. A nice lady or man would say, "Oh, that's nice." Then he'd say, "What's in your pocket?" just like that "What's in your Wallet" Visa commercial. Later we went to Payless Shoes and I got him a pair of sneakers because the weather is finally getting nice and he probably doesn't want to wear his boots. He was very particular about the shoes that he wanted. They are sporty red, white, and black athletic shoes. I tried to persuade him to choose a more versatile pair, but he insisted that the red shoes were HIS! He wanted to wear them out of the store, and once we hit the mall tile, he started stomping all around to hear what kinds of noises his new shoes made. Suddenly, he forgot about the things in his pockets and wanted to show everyone his shoes. The mall security guard said hello to Garrett and he said, "Look, I got this!" and pointed to his shoes. He made a point of showing his shoes to 4 or 5 people. Before we left the mall, we went to Starbucks and I got a coffee and got Garrett a chocolate milk. Guess what happened then? Yep, Garrett cheerfully explained to anyone that would listen that he had new shoes and a chocolate milk. As my dad would say, "Just another red letter day in the life of Garrett." Garrett has a way of making your problems seem small because there are so many things to be happy about in this world: a little something in your pocket, squeaky shoes, and a tasty treat.

The Scariest Thing in Our House Is......

ME! Ha ha. Those of you who knew me as a teenager will recall my infamous "scary face." For those of you who didn't know me as a teenager, allow me to explain. The scary face was created one day when I wanted to scare the wits out of my sister, Mary. We had recently seen the Exorcist and poor Mary was afraid to go anywhere in the house by herself. Slowly she regained her nerve to move about the house alone, but I was well aware of her deep seeded fear. One evening she was coming up the stairs and didn't know that I was up there. I thought, "Hmmm... here is an opportunity to scare Mary." I crouched behind the banister and waited for her to arrive at the top of the stairs. As soon as she appeared, I leaped up and did my best impression of the possessed Linda Blair, accompanied by a howling roar! Mary screamed, jumped three feet in the air and landed, clutching herself in fetal position. She didn't talk to me for a long time because I scared her so badly. I thought it was hilarious because she was always good at making me and Elaina the butt of a joke, but I also felt bad about the magnitude of her fright. Realizing that I had a gift of making a scary face, I would demonstrate my inner evil at parties and sleepovers. Ah, those were the days. As eager as I am to scare someone with my scary face, it also embarrasses me that I can do it and therefore I don't do it very often and I don't do it upon request. I simply do it when the muse strikes.

It had been a long, long time since I had donned my scary face. Chris will put in a request, but I always refuse. I don't often see my high school friends and I haven't been in the right mood to scare when I have seen them. But lately..... I have been wondering, what would happen if I showed Garrett the scary face? Is he ready for such evil? He's so innocent. Yet, he LOVES all things scary. He always wants me to pretend to be a scary monster. I actually am a scary monster, so why pretend?

One evening last week, Garrett initiated a game. He would say, "What's your name?" I'd have to say, "I'm a scary mommy ghost!" He'd say, "I'm a scary Garrett bat!" He'd ask Chris, "What's you're name?" Chris would say, "I'm a scary Daddy skeleton!" We went about scaring each other with our scary names and personas. Eventually we collapsed on the couch, laughing at our scariness. I said, "Hey, Garrett, do you want to see a really scary face?" He said (tentatively), "Yeah." Chris said, "Oh, yes, Garrett, say that you want to see it!" Chris knew that I rarely show my scary face. He was eager for an opportunity.

Suddenly, I performed a slightly less scary version of my scary face. Garrett and Chris kind of laughed and Chris said, "Caroline, I think you've lost your touch. It's not so scary anymore." I was wounded. And challenged. "Really," I taunted. Garrett then initiated another round of "I'm a scary Garrett Bat!" I lurched forward, scary face in full force, and growled, "I'm a scary killer!" Poor Garrett jumped back, grabbed a pillow, covered his face and started to cry. He kept crying. I said, "Garrett, honey, it's just mommy. I'm sorry! Look, it's just mommy." Chris and I comforted him. Eventually he let me hold him. He said, "You scared me, mommy. You a bad mommy." Perhaps, I am a bad mommy. But, I'm a lot of fun at parties.

So, I still have it. I'm still prepared to use it. But it will be a long, long time before I bring it out again. Perhaps at Mary's first sleepover....

Rashes, Apples, and Fish! Oh My.

Poor Mary. She has this terrible, itchy rash all over her body. I thought it started out as a teething related diaper rash, but it quickly spread over her body. She seems to be in a good mood and is still playful, but she walks around itching herself. I took her to the dr. on Friday and he thinks it's some sort of respiratory viral infection related rash. She hasn't had any fever and she's sleeping well, but she looks miserable. As much as I hate to itch, I wish I could take the rash from her and just suffer through it myself. She has her regular check up next week, so we'll see how things stand then. If it hasn't gotten any better, I'll probably ask for a consult with a dermatologist.

On the brighter side of things, she has a new word: apple! She toddles around singing "AHH-Pull, ahh-pull." It's so cute. She tries so hard to communicate with us. Yesterday I took her the grocery store, which is a very large multi-department store. She knew where we were and started smacking her lips like a fish. She was asking me if we could go look at the fish in the pet section. I said, "Do you want to go look at the fish? Okay, let's go." When we got there she was delighted. Mary is developing so quickly; She is also determined to drink from a cup with no lid and she has started building castles with the castle blocks. Sometimes I wonder where my "baby" went.

Garrett's Most Valuable Possessions: A Sword, A Dog, and a Valentine.

Today Garrett made it very clear to me that I was not to move his dog, his sword, or his valentine from Emma. We all know how much Garrett loves his dog. He greets his dog like he is a real person: "Oh, hello, Dog. How are you? I fine. You want watch monster show Dog? Okay." More recently Garrett has shown an enormous affection for his Batman sword. He has his sword at the ready to slay the dragons in his playroom (the ones that are supposedly flying over our heads at all times). He often invites me to a duel, although somehow I always manage to end up with the floppy Styrofoam sword and he has the indestructible Batman sword. When I am invited to duel, I am assigned the role of a scary foe: dragon, ghost, skeleton, pirate. Sometimes Garrett puts the curse of fire on me by standing in a very particular pose and hurling fire from his hands and mouth. I then have to die instantly, only to be revived by a kiss moments later. I rather like dying by fire because I get to lay down and rest from the duel and I get a kiss from Garrett. He usually chooses to kiss my foot so that when I lurch up ready for battle, he is farthest from my hands. Garrett's third favorite object is a huge floppy heart given to him by his classmate, Emma, on Valentines day. He doesn't have a crush on Emma. He just is impressed by the size and form of the heart. He says, "Oh, mommy, look at this. It's a heart! It's my heart." If Mary takes his heart he gets very upset. The other day he insisted on laying on the couch with his faithful dog, his mighty sword, and his enormous heart. He said, "Here, mommy, you put on a monster show and sit on couch with me." He truly looked as if he had everything a person could need in this world.

"Ghee"

Mary has a special word, "ghee", which I have deduced means, "Here ya go," or, "Give it here." For example, she may find a wayward crumb on the floor and decide that it should be picked up. She will crouch down, pick it up, hand it to me and say, "Ghee." Or she may lick her plate clean, proudly pick it up with both hands, put it in my direction and say, "Ghee." Or she might wake up from a nap, hoot and holler until I come get her, then search for her bottle in her crib, hand it to me, and say, "Ghee." I take the bottle from her and then lift her out. Sometimes she says, "Ghee" when she wants to make an exchange. I have a toy that she wants and she is already holding something, so she hands her toy to me, says, "Ghee", and then takes the desired object from my hand. Whenever she says it, she says it proudly. "Ghee" is never uttered with a whine. It's a matter of fact happy sound. Even Garrett is starting to say it when he shares something with her. He'll give her a bite of his sandwich and say, "Ghee, Mary!" Lately she has been putting objects in her mouth that are too small to be in there, such as a die, or a Chapstick cap. I give her a very disapproving look, hold my hand beneath her mouth and sternly say, "Mary, Ghee!" She very quickly spits the object into my hand. Mary is learning very quickly that she can make us all bend to her whim!

Cabin Fever

I just wanted to share this picture because it gives you a good idea of what we're all going through as we wait for decent weather and to dig ourselves out of our garage. In this picture, Garrett has insisted that he wear his Halloween costume and that Mary wear her Halloween coat (a tiger). Mary wants to wear her winter hat inside because she's trying to suggest that we go outside. She has also managed to confiscate my keys and I truly believe that she is contemplating her chances of just taking the car out herself!

A Trip to the Dentist

Last week before the big snow hit, I had a dentist appointment. I had made the appointment for the late afternoon in the hope that Chris would be able to come home early from work and watch the Moo and the Mo. He couldn't come home that day because he had a job talk to attend, so I considered cancelling the appointment. Everyone else I know who will watch my kids has their own kids with the flu, so I was stuck with no help. I called the dentist and said, "Um, my childcare plans fell through, should I just reschedule?" My dentist and his staff are SO nice. The receptionist said, "Oh, you can bring them. You have three kids, right?" I quickly denied such a claim, "Oh, no, no! I have two." She said, "Well you can bring them. The little one goes in the stroller, and we'll keep our eyes on them. I can run interference." I said, "Okeee Dokee. Thanks! See you at 4." Since we were expecting the big storm, people were out and about in the very cold weather stocking up on things. I had already subjected my kids to a hellish trip to Walmart (a place I NEVER go to, but sometimes it's the only option) and their patience was wearing a little thin. I really thought my chances of having a peaceful trip to the dentist were next to nil. It was so cold outside. I had to wrap them in so many layers of clothes, they looked like suitcases. On the way to the dentist that afternoon, I decided to attempt a rational conversation with Garrett. It went something like this:

"Garrett, Mommy has to go to the dentist. That is where we're going right now."
"Ooohhhh! Okay."
"Now, when we are all at the dentist, we will all sit in special places. Mary will be in her stroller. Okay?"
"Okay. Mary cute."
"Yes, Mary is cute and she will be in her stroller. Mommy will be laying down and the nice lady will be helping mommy. Garrett will be sitting on the chair next to Mary."
"Garrett sit in chair."
"Yes, Garrett will sit in the chair. Now, you can't get up and you can't be noisy. We're all going to try to be quiet in our chairs. Can you help mommy by sitting in your chair and waiting quietly?"
"Yes. I wait in chair."
"Okay. Great."

I managed to get everyone into the dentist office, unwrapped, and seated in the waiting area. As a stroke of genius I had remembered to bring goldfish crackers and Mary was very happily dining on them. I had a pop-up book for Garrett, and a book with buttons for Mary. Sometimes I am just so smart! All was well. They called my name and we all filed back to the room. I reminded Garrett of the plan. He said, "Garrett sit in chair!" Except Garrett couldn't "sit in chair," because I was due for x-rays and the kids couldn't be in the room. The hygienist and I put G and M out of the way of the x-ray machine, but in a place where they could see me. The whole thing looked a little uncertain to Garrett. From the back of the room, he shouted, "Oh no! Mommy you hurt? You okay?" I couldn't really talk with those pieces of cardboard in my mouth, but as soon as I popped one out, I said, "Yes, Garrett, mommy is okay. I'm just taking pictures." He said, "Well, okay, mommy." Then a few moments later: "Mommy, you a big girl. You do good job!" It was so cute. I remembered that when Garrett had his first trip to the dentist last year, I kept telling him what a big boy he was and how he was doing a very good job. Throughout our visit at the dentist he continued to reassure me that I was a big girl and to make sure that I wasn't being hurt. Occasionally he'd say, "I wait in chair." At some point he got antsy and the hygienist gave him and Mary toothbrushes, but Garrett quickly turned them into swords. Mary almost lost an eye and I asked Garrett to hold my hand until I was finished. I never needed the receptionist to run interference and when we were finished Garrett got to pick a toy out of the box for being so good.

Snow, Snow, Snow!

We have had so much snow! Miss Moo and Mr. Mo are climbing the walls. Last week Chris had two days off of work because the University had to cancel classes for the first time since 1979. Granted, we don't have 9 feet of snow like they do in upstate New York, but still we have a driveway that is the length of our house and shoveling out 3 feet of snow is a lot of work. Staying in with the kids all day gives me brain freeze and I don't have a lot of energy to make blog entries. I thought I would chime in and post a few pictures of the kids in the snow because they are so darn cute in their little snow suits.

Garrett loves to take his snow shovel and scoop up the snow. Unfortunately he then flings it at the nearest person. He got in trouble for this a few times and decided that he would just rather go inside. Garrett's favorite indoor activities have been to play scary dragon (more on that later) and to watch his Scooby Doo movie about vampires, which includes a legendary vampire called a Yowee Yahoo. On several occasions I have been asked to draw the Yowee Yahoo so that Garrett can attack it with a crayon. Perhaps the Yowee Yahoo is with us in the snow and Garrett is trying to bring him down with a snow shovel. While Garrett may enjoy battling world evil with his snow shovel, the rest of us do not appreciate being sprayed with icy snow.

Mary absolutely loved being in the snow. She even likes to wear her snow boots inside. She likes to touch the snow with her mittens and then clap all the snow off of them. She falls down into the snow on purpose so that she can watch me shake all the snow off of her. She also delights in a freshly shoveled path. For Mary a stretch of shoveled sidewalk is a long runway, on which she can run in her snow boots until springtime.

Cold Weather Report

I had a decent birthday yesterday given the terrible Monday weather. I had my tacos and Chris surprised me with an ice cream cake. We didn't have room in the freezer for the leftover cake, so we just put it on the back porch. It was rock solid this morning. I asked Chris if he thought the critters would go after it. He said, "In this weather? I don't think there are any critters out there." Well it was a pretty good cake, so I wasn't surprised to see a squirrel eyeing it around 1 o'clock this afternoon. I retrieved it and spent a fair amount of time making room for it in the freezer.

There is not much new to report on the Moo and Mo today because it is too cold! This morning it was snowing fairly heavily, so I took Chris to work. I also had the kids dressed, snow suited, and ready for school. After dropping Chris off at work, I decided to take Moo and Mo back home. The snow was falling at a quick clip and the roads were difficult to drive on. I could have made it to the school, but I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get them later! I was right about that. By noon we had about a foot of snow. Garrett was desperate to go outside and play in the snow. After dinner he and his daddy went outside and shoveled the snow. It was such a hoot to see Garrett trying to use his little snow shovel. It looked more like he was just flipping it into the air, sometimes into Chris's coat and face. Watching them work together was a very sweet Norman Rockwell-esque kind of moment. Miss Moo missed all the action because she fell asleep in her dinner plate and went directly to bed. I'm sure she'll be up bright and early for her own rounds of fun.

Garrett, Party of Two, Your Table is Ready

As I mentioned on Garrett's birthday last Wednesday, we were set to have a real party this weekend. In fact, we had decided that Sunday would be a good day. Wrong. We forgot that the Superbowl was today. Also, it is colder than a well digger's butt in Alaska here and nobody wants to leave their house. We won't even open the door to get the mail. Seriously, it's -12 degrees. Not birthday party weather. So at some point we decided not to have the party, or put it off until later. Yesterday I learned that Isabella, one of Garrett's best friends, fully expected that Garrett would be having a birthday party today. She was all set to see Garrett, who she has been missing while we've been traveling, and had picked out a special present for him. Garrett has been missing Isabella too and he was thrilled by the prospect of seeing her. I decided we would just go ahead with the birthday party, except that it would be more like having Isabella over for an upscale play date. We got another cake, I decorated the table with all the party goods, we produced presents, and ordered pizza. We lit the candles, put Curious George back on the cake, sang the song, and all was right with the world. Garrett was thrilled. Isabella gave Garrett a very cool dragon for his birthday, which fit very well with the Playmobile Dragon's Dungeon that we gave him. It took a while to put the dungeon together (thank you, Chris), but it was a big hit once it was assembled. And guess who is the dungeon keeper? Mary! She's opening all the doors, sending knights down the trap door, knocking the dragon off of the castle, and generally laying the law of the land. I imagine that Garrett is beginning to think that birthday celebrations are an every day event, complete with cake and pizza. Tomorrow is my birthday, so we will have another day of good cheer, but mine will involve tacos!

Garrett's Big Trip to Target

One of the main reasons that I went home in January was to host my annual Crabfest with a few of my crab loving friends, Kate, Paul, and Mike. Basically it's an event where I try to pack as many crab based foods into one day as I can. The anticipation and joy is not unlike that experienced by children on Christmas Day. On crab day, I also relish in spending time with friends. As much as I love my little Moo and Mr. Mo, their presence is not compatible with cooking, cleaning, and devouring crabs. Crabfest is Mommy's day and the little ones need to be elsewhere.

As a tremendous act of love and generosity, Aunt Elaina ("E-Neena") offered to take Mary and Garrett for the entire day. She made arrangements with her friend Stacey and Stacey's daughter Elissa, who is Garrett's age, to go to the Oakland Zoo. Garrett had a great time at the zoo. He especially loved the big turtles, giraffes, and the reptile zoo. He saw some spiders that made a big impression too. Mary enjoyed her big ride outside. Both of them think that E-Neena is super cool for leading such a grand expedition. Garrett was thrilled to hang out with Elissa as well because he hadn't had much contact with other kids while we were home. In general, Garrett really enjoys the company of girlfriends! (Sometime I will have to write about Garrett's school buddy Shangho, but that's another story).

After Garrett's big day out with Elaina, he kept saying that he wanted to go to Target. He'd say, "Mommy, I want to go to Target. I want to see the giraffes! I want to see the scary spiders." I'd say, "Garrett, I think you want to go to the zoo. Do you mean the zoo?" He'd say, "No, I don't want to the zoo. I want to go to Target!" Elaina and I were puzzled as to why Garrett would refer to the zoo as Target. Did we see zoo toys at Target? Is Target a zoo? Sometimes. We thought it was funny and let it go. Then Elaina called me a few days later and said, "I think I figured out the link between Target and the zoo: I saw a Target commercial and it had all these zoo animals going into Target! Maybe Garrett has seen the commercial." This reminded me of one of our favorite stories about Elaina's childhood. Her teacher asked her where milk came from and she said, "Safeway." The answer the teacher was looking for was "cows." My question is, what will happen the next time I tell Garrett, "We're going to Target." Garrett will probably say, "Yeah! I want to see turtles!" I'll say, "Prepare yourself for disappointment Garrett. We will most likely see diapers and toilet paper." As soon as the weather is better, I will take him to the Bloomington zoo!