A Heart Shaped What??

Some of you might find this story distasteful. Perhaps you don't think it belongs on the blog. Perhaps it is too personal. But, I feel that this is something that an older Garrett will treasure one day as he reads about his childhood. Despite the variety of stories that I write about Miss Moo and Mr. Mo, our lives are actually quite mundane. We get up, we try to stay sane as everyone gets cleaned, dressed, fed, and prepared for departure from the house. We run errands, we go to school, we go to work, we sit around, we play, we go potty, we eat, we clean up, we play again, we eat again, we go potty again, we clean up again, daddy comes home, we eat, we clean, we take a walk, we go to bed. So, Monday was just an ordinary day with the ordinary tasks and objectives that are required to keep ourselves living our normal lives.

That is, it was ordinary until Garrett mumbled something about having to go potty, which he can mostly do on his own, unless it involves #2 and then I have to get involved. As usual, he made his "I have to go potty" proclamation and off he went. I was in a clean up cycle and was doing a few dishes. I then heard the following statements, one at a time, with brief pauses in between:
Mommy, I got a heart!
Mommy, come here!
Mommy, there's a heart!
Mommy, I go potty!
Mommy, I all DONE!
Mommy, there's a heart in here.

I turned off the tap water to see what all the fuss was about and shouted out from the kitchen:
What Garrett?
Do you need help?

He shouted back:
YES! I need help. I'm all done. I got a heart in that water! Come wook!

Did he mean to say "hurt"? Did he get hurt? I dried my hands and went to investigate. Standing in the doorway of the bathroom, full view of Garrett, his bare bottom, underwear around his ankles, looking into the toilet with awe, it became perfectly clear to me what Garrett was trying to tell me. For there in the bowl of the toilet, floating in the water, was a perfect heart-shaped poop. Yes, a heart-shaped poop. I said, "Oh, wow. You do have a heart." He said, "Yes, wook! It's a heart in there. I made it!"

You sure did.

Garrett Goes Shopping

A few days ago I took Garrett shopping at the outlets with me. The weather is starting to warm up here and Miss Moo has only warm clothes. Garrett was quite interested in the shopping. We went to the Gap Outlet and he walked around the entire store saying, "Is this Garrett's? Is this Garrett's?" I'd say, "No, that's for mommies. No that's for daddies. No, you don't need jeans." Then I saw something that Garrett had to have! I said, "Oh, Garrett, look at this!" It was tan t-shirt with a colorful dragon on it. Garrett loves dragons. He said, "OH! That's Garrett's! I want this in the car to take to Garrett's house. Mommy, this is mine, isn't it." For 4.99, I can't deny a child's happiness. I said, "Yes, that will got to our house."

Next we went to the Osh Kosh Outlet in search of Mary's spring clothing. Garrett wasted no time surveying the store and finding things that should be his. He was determined to own a pair of swimming shorts with a sccaaarrryyyy shark on them. I said, "Well, you do need a bathing suit for the summer. ... Okay, we'll take the shark trunks."

Later when we got home, Garrett said, "Mommy, I want to wear that dragon shirt and that pants with a shark. I take this off." I instructed him to keep all his clothing on because we were going to visit his friend Isabella for dinner. I said, "You have a nice red shirt on and some nice pants. Let's get ready to go." He disappeared to retrieve his dragon-slaying sword and said, "Mommy, this red shirt dirty. I need a clean shirt. How 'bout that dragon shirt, okay? Also those shark pants" I had to laugh. I said, "Nice try, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow." When we got home from Isabella's house he was still thinking about the dragon shirt. He asked to put it on and I said, "Would you like to sleep in it." He said, "YES!" He wore it all the next day and slept in it again. I was finally able to remove it from his body and put it in the laundry.

One Last Ant Story

Today Garrett was expressing more concern for the ants in the bathroom. He said, "Mommy, ants sick?" I said, "Yeah, they're sick." He found some slow moving ants and said, "Mommy, these ants tired?" I said, "Yes, they're tired." He said, "These ants need to go to sleep in mommy's bed?" He has been sleeping in my bed so he figured that if the ants are tired, that's where they should go. I could just imagine him having me cart ants upstairs, so I said, "The ants need to go home to their own beds."

Farewell to Ants

I have mentioned before that Garrett is fascinated with the ants in our downstairs bathroom. Every time he goes potty, I have to join him and attack all the ants in the vicinity. He enjoys telling me where they are and pointing out all the ants that have escaped my bathroom tissue weaponry. Sometimes when I have to go potty, he offers to get the ants for me. I think he actually enjoys scouting them out. Chris and I are DONE with the ants. We have been very patient with them and have asked them nicely to go away, but they don't seem to respond to our pleas. Therefore, I bought some child friendly ant traps and Chris strategically placed them in the bathroom. This morning when I was in the bathroom, Garrett strolled in to report for ant duty and noticed that something was awry. looking totally perplexed, he said, "Mommy? Ants fall down." I said, "Yep. Ants fall down dead." I'm a little sad to say farewell to our ritual, but I have no doubt that Garrett will find new ways to amuse himself.

What's in Your Pocket?

Today I took Garrett to the mall after school. We had a nice little picnic lunch in the food court and took a long walk around the mall. Garrett was so happy because he had things in his pockets. In his left pocket, he had my lip balm. In his right pocket, he had a purple plastic key. While we were in the mall he would stop people and say, "Hello. Guess what I got in my pocket? I got THIS!" He'd then reveal one of the special items from his pocket. A nice lady or man would say, "Oh, that's nice." Then he'd say, "What's in your pocket?" just like that "What's in your Wallet" Visa commercial. Later we went to Payless Shoes and I got him a pair of sneakers because the weather is finally getting nice and he probably doesn't want to wear his boots. He was very particular about the shoes that he wanted. They are sporty red, white, and black athletic shoes. I tried to persuade him to choose a more versatile pair, but he insisted that the red shoes were HIS! He wanted to wear them out of the store, and once we hit the mall tile, he started stomping all around to hear what kinds of noises his new shoes made. Suddenly, he forgot about the things in his pockets and wanted to show everyone his shoes. The mall security guard said hello to Garrett and he said, "Look, I got this!" and pointed to his shoes. He made a point of showing his shoes to 4 or 5 people. Before we left the mall, we went to Starbucks and I got a coffee and got Garrett a chocolate milk. Guess what happened then? Yep, Garrett cheerfully explained to anyone that would listen that he had new shoes and a chocolate milk. As my dad would say, "Just another red letter day in the life of Garrett." Garrett has a way of making your problems seem small because there are so many things to be happy about in this world: a little something in your pocket, squeaky shoes, and a tasty treat.

The Scariest Thing in Our House Is......

ME! Ha ha. Those of you who knew me as a teenager will recall my infamous "scary face." For those of you who didn't know me as a teenager, allow me to explain. The scary face was created one day when I wanted to scare the wits out of my sister, Mary. We had recently seen the Exorcist and poor Mary was afraid to go anywhere in the house by herself. Slowly she regained her nerve to move about the house alone, but I was well aware of her deep seeded fear. One evening she was coming up the stairs and didn't know that I was up there. I thought, "Hmmm... here is an opportunity to scare Mary." I crouched behind the banister and waited for her to arrive at the top of the stairs. As soon as she appeared, I leaped up and did my best impression of the possessed Linda Blair, accompanied by a howling roar! Mary screamed, jumped three feet in the air and landed, clutching herself in fetal position. She didn't talk to me for a long time because I scared her so badly. I thought it was hilarious because she was always good at making me and Elaina the butt of a joke, but I also felt bad about the magnitude of her fright. Realizing that I had a gift of making a scary face, I would demonstrate my inner evil at parties and sleepovers. Ah, those were the days. As eager as I am to scare someone with my scary face, it also embarrasses me that I can do it and therefore I don't do it very often and I don't do it upon request. I simply do it when the muse strikes.

It had been a long, long time since I had donned my scary face. Chris will put in a request, but I always refuse. I don't often see my high school friends and I haven't been in the right mood to scare when I have seen them. But lately..... I have been wondering, what would happen if I showed Garrett the scary face? Is he ready for such evil? He's so innocent. Yet, he LOVES all things scary. He always wants me to pretend to be a scary monster. I actually am a scary monster, so why pretend?

One evening last week, Garrett initiated a game. He would say, "What's your name?" I'd have to say, "I'm a scary mommy ghost!" He'd say, "I'm a scary Garrett bat!" He'd ask Chris, "What's you're name?" Chris would say, "I'm a scary Daddy skeleton!" We went about scaring each other with our scary names and personas. Eventually we collapsed on the couch, laughing at our scariness. I said, "Hey, Garrett, do you want to see a really scary face?" He said (tentatively), "Yeah." Chris said, "Oh, yes, Garrett, say that you want to see it!" Chris knew that I rarely show my scary face. He was eager for an opportunity.

Suddenly, I performed a slightly less scary version of my scary face. Garrett and Chris kind of laughed and Chris said, "Caroline, I think you've lost your touch. It's not so scary anymore." I was wounded. And challenged. "Really," I taunted. Garrett then initiated another round of "I'm a scary Garrett Bat!" I lurched forward, scary face in full force, and growled, "I'm a scary killer!" Poor Garrett jumped back, grabbed a pillow, covered his face and started to cry. He kept crying. I said, "Garrett, honey, it's just mommy. I'm sorry! Look, it's just mommy." Chris and I comforted him. Eventually he let me hold him. He said, "You scared me, mommy. You a bad mommy." Perhaps, I am a bad mommy. But, I'm a lot of fun at parties.

So, I still have it. I'm still prepared to use it. But it will be a long, long time before I bring it out again. Perhaps at Mary's first sleepover....

Rashes, Apples, and Fish! Oh My.

Poor Mary. She has this terrible, itchy rash all over her body. I thought it started out as a teething related diaper rash, but it quickly spread over her body. She seems to be in a good mood and is still playful, but she walks around itching herself. I took her to the dr. on Friday and he thinks it's some sort of respiratory viral infection related rash. She hasn't had any fever and she's sleeping well, but she looks miserable. As much as I hate to itch, I wish I could take the rash from her and just suffer through it myself. She has her regular check up next week, so we'll see how things stand then. If it hasn't gotten any better, I'll probably ask for a consult with a dermatologist.

On the brighter side of things, she has a new word: apple! She toddles around singing "AHH-Pull, ahh-pull." It's so cute. She tries so hard to communicate with us. Yesterday I took her the grocery store, which is a very large multi-department store. She knew where we were and started smacking her lips like a fish. She was asking me if we could go look at the fish in the pet section. I said, "Do you want to go look at the fish? Okay, let's go." When we got there she was delighted. Mary is developing so quickly; She is also determined to drink from a cup with no lid and she has started building castles with the castle blocks. Sometimes I wonder where my "baby" went.