The Scariest Thing in Our House Is......

ME! Ha ha. Those of you who knew me as a teenager will recall my infamous "scary face." For those of you who didn't know me as a teenager, allow me to explain. The scary face was created one day when I wanted to scare the wits out of my sister, Mary. We had recently seen the Exorcist and poor Mary was afraid to go anywhere in the house by herself. Slowly she regained her nerve to move about the house alone, but I was well aware of her deep seeded fear. One evening she was coming up the stairs and didn't know that I was up there. I thought, "Hmmm... here is an opportunity to scare Mary." I crouched behind the banister and waited for her to arrive at the top of the stairs. As soon as she appeared, I leaped up and did my best impression of the possessed Linda Blair, accompanied by a howling roar! Mary screamed, jumped three feet in the air and landed, clutching herself in fetal position. She didn't talk to me for a long time because I scared her so badly. I thought it was hilarious because she was always good at making me and Elaina the butt of a joke, but I also felt bad about the magnitude of her fright. Realizing that I had a gift of making a scary face, I would demonstrate my inner evil at parties and sleepovers. Ah, those were the days. As eager as I am to scare someone with my scary face, it also embarrasses me that I can do it and therefore I don't do it very often and I don't do it upon request. I simply do it when the muse strikes.

It had been a long, long time since I had donned my scary face. Chris will put in a request, but I always refuse. I don't often see my high school friends and I haven't been in the right mood to scare when I have seen them. But lately..... I have been wondering, what would happen if I showed Garrett the scary face? Is he ready for such evil? He's so innocent. Yet, he LOVES all things scary. He always wants me to pretend to be a scary monster. I actually am a scary monster, so why pretend?

One evening last week, Garrett initiated a game. He would say, "What's your name?" I'd have to say, "I'm a scary mommy ghost!" He'd say, "I'm a scary Garrett bat!" He'd ask Chris, "What's you're name?" Chris would say, "I'm a scary Daddy skeleton!" We went about scaring each other with our scary names and personas. Eventually we collapsed on the couch, laughing at our scariness. I said, "Hey, Garrett, do you want to see a really scary face?" He said (tentatively), "Yeah." Chris said, "Oh, yes, Garrett, say that you want to see it!" Chris knew that I rarely show my scary face. He was eager for an opportunity.

Suddenly, I performed a slightly less scary version of my scary face. Garrett and Chris kind of laughed and Chris said, "Caroline, I think you've lost your touch. It's not so scary anymore." I was wounded. And challenged. "Really," I taunted. Garrett then initiated another round of "I'm a scary Garrett Bat!" I lurched forward, scary face in full force, and growled, "I'm a scary killer!" Poor Garrett jumped back, grabbed a pillow, covered his face and started to cry. He kept crying. I said, "Garrett, honey, it's just mommy. I'm sorry! Look, it's just mommy." Chris and I comforted him. Eventually he let me hold him. He said, "You scared me, mommy. You a bad mommy." Perhaps, I am a bad mommy. But, I'm a lot of fun at parties.

So, I still have it. I'm still prepared to use it. But it will be a long, long time before I bring it out again. Perhaps at Mary's first sleepover....