Spiderham!

You are all familiar with your friendly neighborhood Spiderman, that clever red-suited hero that can climb tall buildings, spin webs, and save mankind. But, are you aware of that lesser known super hero Spiderham? She's about 2.5 feet tall, wears a red suit, and has two known rivals: Garrett and mommy.

I'm talking about Mary, of course. At least that's her "real" name. When special action is required, such as hiding all the toothbrushes, dropping things in the toilet, and steeling Garrett's breakfast, she is SPIDERHAM!

Garrett got a cool Spidey suit before Halloween for filling up his bean jar and Mary wasted no time having her shot at the costume. She followed me around the house, dragging the Spidey suit behind her, saying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy, this on! Spidaham? Spidaham? Mommy, want it on!" Finally I agreed to put it on her. I told her it was too big as I put each arm and leg in the appropriate hole. She just said, "Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, spidaham!" She bounced with glee. I told her to hold still while I rolled up the sleeves and pants.

Once the costume was on, a visible change came over her face. Her expression said, "Muahhhhh! What small act of evil can I accomplish right now?" She jumped off the chair, Spiderham style and said, "Garrett, wook! MY spidaham!"

Spiderham has been seen roaming house, looking for trouble. She particularly likes to hide behind the Christmas tree and remove ornaments when nobody is looking. She likes to take the gifts from under the tree and place them in unlikely places, like the bowl of the Kitchen Aid mixer. She pulls all of the DVDs off the shelf with a single swipe.

Spiderham is not to be fooled with. If you see Spiderham, do not let her know that you know her identity! Pretend not to see her taking things and hiding them, for example. Carefully follow the object in her possession and replace it when she isn't looking. If you suspect that Spiderham is in your area, close all bathroom doors and lock down toilet lids if possible. NEVER leave a toilet unflushed! Place all items that you do not wish to lose in a Spiderham-proof vault (note: Spiderham has been spotted trying to pick bathroom locks with q-tips).

Spiderham could one day rule the world!

Garrett Names His Dog!

Garrett adores his stuffed dog. He's had it since he was about 6 months old. I bought it for $1.99 at Walgreens during the Easter season of Garrett's first year because Chris and Garrett has lost a similar colored bear while out on a stroll. Garrett really liked the bear and I hoped that the dog would be an acceptable replacement. He took to the dog immediately. I began to worry that the puppy would go missing (as the bear had) and guarded it with my life. Since it was just a cheap dog, it had no official tag on it that could give me some clue about how to get a replacement dog.

Then, the following Easter, I went back to Walgreens and searched the many boxes and bins for another dog just like Garrett's. God was smiling on me because I found one lone dog! I named him "Back-Up Puppy" and put him away in a safe place.

Soon, Original Puppy took on a gently used and well-loved look. Garrett would twist his ears and tail as he fell asleep. He dragged it with him everywhere. It accompanied us on every plane trip and subway ride. I worried that if Original Puppy was ever lost, Back Up Puppy would look too new and Garrett would know that it was an impostor! I began alternating the dogs so that they would be equally loved.

On one visit to California, Original Puppy went missing. My mom had been shopping in Target with Garrett and I was waiting for her in the car. She came out of the store and I immediately noticed that Original Puppy was gone. I asked, "Where is the dog?" She said, "Oh, I don't think we had him." I said, "Yes, you had him." I became frantic (imagine Parker Posey looking for "Busy Bee" in Best in Show). We searched Target to no avail. You can only imagine the suffering that my mom endured, knowing she was partly responsible for the loss of the beloved dog. I spent the next three days looking in random Walgreens for another one. I can tell you now that there are only two in this world: the one lost in Target and Back-up Puppy. When we got home to Chicago, I pulled out the slightly worn Back Up Puppy, and he has been a trusted (and very closely guarded) friend ever since.

So, now that we're clear on the relevance of the dog, let me tell you about the strange and momentous thing that happened this week. Garrett's first words were dog and ball. And thus, the puppy was always called, "Dog." Many times friendly adults have attempted to learn the name of Garrett's dog. The conversation goes something like this:
"Hi there! Is that your dog?"
"Yes," says Garrett.
"He's cute. What's his name?"
"Dog."
"Yes, he's a dog. Did you give him a name."
Garrett looks at the kind person as if they are totally deaf and says, "Um... his name DOG."

Garrett can often be heard saying things like, "Mommy, I want Dog to come too." Or, "Mommy, Dog will stay here." Or, "Oh, no! Dog, watch out!" And, "Mommy, I love my Dog very so much!"

Recently, Garrett has learned to spell his name. He spells it for me at least 10 times a day. He is also interested in learning how to spell the names of his friends. It should come as no surprise that Garrett would want to spell his dog's name and it suddenly occurred to him that his dog does not have a name. Last weekend we were reading Dr. Seuss's ABC book and talking about letters. Garrett was identifying the letters of his name and twirling the ears of his dog. He looked at me and asked, "Mommy, what is Dog's name?"

I said, "I think his name is Dog."
He said, "No, it's not."
"Do you want to give him a different name?"
"Yes, I think so."
"What do you want to call him?"
"I don't know."
"Hm. How about Pete?"
He giggled and said, "No!"
I suggested a few more, "Howard? William?" He just laughed and said I was silly. I said, "Do you just want to call him Dog?"
"No, mommy I want him to have a name."
"How about Ramon?"
"OH! Okay. I think that's it."

Don't ask me where I got Ramon (rah-moan). Don't ask me why Garrett likes the name. We don't know anyone named Ramon. I was sure the name wouldn't stick, but this morning Chris looked at me funny and said, "Garrett says his dog has a name. Ramon?"

It stuck. I would like to introduce to you, Garrett's most treasured companion, Ramon. We don't know anyone named Dog.

Congratulations, Not In Order

When we were in California, I noticed that my wedding band was cracked. The band has a leafy, vine-like design and the vine had somehow broken. Fortunately we bought the ring in California so I was able to take it to the jeweler to have it fixed. The jeweler has some sort of magical power to make my lovely ring sparkle like a holiday.

When I picked up the ring from the jeweler, I had Garrett with me. I got in the car and said, "Garrett, do you see my ring? It's sparkling." He said, "Oh, mommy, it looks bootiful." I said, "Thanks, Garrett. Do you know what Garrett? Daddy gave me that ring as a special present." He said, "Oh Mommy! Congratulations!"

One, two, tree, sixteen, BOON!

I hate to brag. (Bragging will now commence.) My precious daughter has the fine motor ability to stack 16 wooden blocks. She starts out like most children. One block, now another, here's a third. She starts to feel like something special happens around block 7. She gets a little smile and says, "Uh oh, ooohh!" She selects another block and carefully places number 8. If she is on the floor or working at the table, the stack of blocks becomes to high to place the next block with her short, little arm.

She is not deterred. She stands up or stands on the chair and keeps on building. Each block builds suspense. She starts to say, "Uh oh, boon." Boon is her word for BOOM! She is trying to say, "Will my super special tower of blocks fall this time?" I say, "Mary, wow! You have so many blocks!" I count them and she counts with me. She says, "One, two, tree, seven, seven, nine, six!" Eventually the tower falls and she puts her hands in the air and says, "BOON!" Then she looks like this:

Garrett's occupational therapist says that Mary should be able to stack 6-8 blocks at her age. Like I said, I hate to brag, but I simply can't help myself.

Arrrr!! The Treasure She's Mine!

I know what you're thinking: Oh, my God, there is actually a new post! Perhaps you thought I had abandoned you forever. No, actually, I have been thinking about Those of You Who Read My Blog quite a bit. I feel a little guilty for neglecting you.

Following my Potter obsession and Post Potter Depression, I was busy entertaining summer guests and visiting my beloved Martinez and it's highly regarded inhabitants. I guess I was just busy. People had babies. I wanted to cook for them. People had problems. I wanted to talk to them. I got tired and wanted to watch mindless television instead of writing. Even if I was in the mood to write and had the time, I would have preferred to be writing fiction and pop psychology. I didn't write that either, but it was nice to think about.

But today something happened that I need to share with those of you who follow the goings on of Mr. Mo and Miss Moo. Today Garrett filled his bean jar. Allow me to explain.

For the past month we have rewarded all of Garrett's good deeds with a dried Garbanzo bean. He was having a little trouble listening to his mommy. So, I told him, "Garrett, every time you do something good, or listen to mommy, or act like a big boy, you will get a bean. When the bean jar is all filled up, then you can have a surprise!"

Garrett said, "OH! Okay! Maybe I can go to that toy store and get a guy." He was referring to his Pappo figurines, which depict various warriors, pirates and fierce creatures.

I said, "Sure, you can pick out a new guy." A week later we went to Walmart (I feel it is necessary to say here that I NEVER go to Walmart as I am against their impact of the American economy. However, I live in a small(ish) town and sometimes you have to do what you have to do to find a particular item. In this case I was looking for a Safety First bed rail for Mary).

At Walmart, Garrett spotted the many Halloween costumes on display. If ever there was a child who was meant for a costume, it is Garrett. Holy moly, he wears them all year long. He still wears his dragon costume from last year. While we were in the forbidden Walmart, Garrett spied a pirate costume that he Must Take Home! He was devastated when we did not take it home. It was all I heard about for hours and hours.

Finally, I said, "Garrett, if you fill your bean jar, you may have the costume." He was delighted that a solution had presented itself.

He said, "Okay mommy, I get my beans and we go get that costume and bring it home."

"Yes, that's the general idea, " I said.

Over the next few days and then weeks every time Garrett got a bean, he reminded me that he would get the pirate costume and bring it home. I started to worry that the pirate costume would no longer be available when the bean jar was filled. I spent my free mornings looking for the blessed costume. It was not to be found. It turns out that Garrett saw a pirate costume for an adult man, not a young boy!

Alas, pirate costumes started to appear. We are in the year of the third installment of Pirates of the Carribean, after all. There is no shortage of $30 Jack Sparrow costumes.

Truly, these costumes suck. They come without the boots. They don't include a sword. Hats are purchased separately. What kind of pirate would just buy a vest, a flouncy shirt, and some pants? Terrible.

While I searched for a reasonably priced, adequately suited pirate costume, the bean jar started to fill. Fliers advertising the sale of costumes arrived in the mail. Garrett started to request additional costumes. He poured over the fliers and said, "OH MOMMY!!! Look at this Spiderman one! I need a Spiderman costume too! Mommy! When I fill that bean jar, I need TWO costumes: Pirate and Spiderman. Okay?"

Oh dear.

In a matter of days, Garrett added yet another costume to his grand reward. I don't know how to tell you about this costume. He saw it on an episode of Scooby Doo. Some dude is wearing a gown-like robe with a scary rubbery mask, designed to frighten away those meddling kids. The monster raises his arms above his head, wags his tongue and says, "Bluh-blugh, blubbety blugh blugh blugh!!!!" Then he chases Scooby and Shaggy until he is unmasked by the clever Thelma, Fred, and Daffney. You can image my confusion when Garrett announced, "Mommy, when I fill that bean jar, I will get THREE costumes: that Spiderman costume, that pirate costume, and that Blugh-blugh-blughbetty-blugh-blugh costume," while waving his arms in the air so that I would be sure which costume he meant.

Oh dear again.

It takes a lot longer to fill a bean jar than you might think. Just try to fill one every time you think you are worthy. After 30+ days of listening to mommy, going to bed without milk, sharing with Mary, saying please and thank you, finishing every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, doing well at Speech Therapy, being a good boy at school, and generally being a 4 year old superstar, Garrett filled his bean jar!

Today I invited Garrett to wear his pirate costume (see below for where I found said costume). Today he wore it with pride. He let Mary wear the hat. He stared at himself in every available reflective surface of our house. To my utter astonishment, he did not ask for the Spiderman costume (which I have hidden away because I am a total pushover mommy), or the blughbity-blugh-blugh costume, which does not exist. Today he is simply Pirate Garrett, Master of the Sea, Earner of Beans.


P.S. I found the Pirate Costume at The Children's place. It still cost 30 bucks, but it is nice enough to last us all year.

P.S.S. I'll post a picture of Garrett in his costume tomorrow. Did you think you'd get a post and a picture all in one day?

Potter's Eve

You may have noticed the lapse in my writing this summer. In addition to hosting some very welcomed visitors, I have been too preoccupied with my Potter obsession to write about Miss Moo and Mr. Mo. You see, Mr. Potter and I have a very important date tomorrow night (July 21, 2007 Midnight). In preparation for the 7th and final book in the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I have meticulously re-read books 1-6, have carefully perused several "speculation" books, and have dutifully listened to all of the recent MuggleCast podcasts. I'm ready to have all the answers that book 7 promises to deliver.

My Potter interest will always be linked with the 7th month of my pregnancy with Miss Moo. At that time my back was killing me and I had some trouble sleeping. Some friends suggested that I read the Harry Potter books while I was resting. (Interestingly, I watched the first Harry Potter movie while I was timing my contractions with Garrett, so the thought of engaging the written Potter while waiting for Mary appealed to me.) Book 6 had just been released so I set out to read the lot and see what the big deal was about the famous Harry Potter.

Before too long I was wanting to "scourgify" the house instead of clean it. I wanted to incant "accio milk!" when Garrett woke in the night. Summoning charms would make life so much easier. I imagined little house elves emptying the diaper bin and picking up the toys. Oh, if only I had a wand and a house elf! I also spent wakeful moments considering the interesting perspectives of adolescents, such as Harry and his friends, and older and sometimes wiser seasoned individuals, such as Dumbledore and his colleagues. J.K. Rowling has a gift for relating the thought processes, motives, and emotional triggers of people of all ages. In short, there is a little something for everyone in the Harry Potter novels.

Book 7 is the only book in the series that I have had to wait for. But I am glad that I can say that I waited for it-- that I was part of an fan base that counted down the days for a much anticipated work of fiction. I often think of how thrilling it was for my grandmother to eagerly purchase the next L.M. Montgomery novel and discover what could be learned about the latest adventures and life experiences of her favorite literary character Anne of Green Gables. My grandma turned me on to the idea of reading when I was in grade school and lent me her personal copies of the precious early editions of her "Anne books." My own copies of Harry Potter won't be as special, but the thrill of watching Garrett and Mary open the Sorcerer's Stone for the first time will be great.

Tomorrow morning I will go to Border's bookstore where I have reserved my copy of Deathly Hallows. I will get my wristband and reserve my place in line for the midnight release of the book. I will head out to Border's at 10:00 pm and take a peek at the other muggles who are chomping at the bit for their book. At 11:00 pm I will attend the Border's Release Party where I will have to take in the experience as a deaf person because I intend to wear earplugs and avoid any gossip of spoilers or plot leaks. After obtaining my copy I will go home, put on my pjs, fire up the coffee pot, and finally learn if and how Harry Potter will triumph over the evil Lord Voldemort!

I will not write, call, read the news, check my e-mail, or anything of that sort until I'm done reading. I will, however, take time out to celebrate my sixth wedding anniversary. Chris and I are quickly learning sign language so that I can take my earplugs with me on our date-- 'cause you just know that the other people at the restaurant will be talking Potter and they'll reveal the end of the book or some tasty detail that I have been waiting to savor myself!

Happy reading to all you fellow fans. If you're not a Potter fan, this weekend would be a great time to run errands or take a trip; you may be the only person on the road. See you after "The End."

"Tay too, mommy" and Other New Sounds

I need to play a little catch up on Mary and Garrett's developments!

Lately Mary is saying "Tay too" (thank you) for everything. If I hand her a goldfish, she says "tay too, Mommy." Sometimes she says, "Oh, tay too."
She is no longer saying "ghee". She says something more like "he go" for "here ya go."
She is frequently asking where people are. She asks for her daddy all day ("where daddy go?"). When her daddy gets home she gets really excited and screams Daddy! and runs to him. Then she kind of forgets that she had been wondering about him all day. If I try to escape to another area of the house, she finds me. Or I can hear her all around the house saying, "Where mommy go?" When she wakes up in the morning she asks, "Where g-mamma go? Where g-daddy?" She had a visit from her grandmother and granddaddy Fraley and she is wondering where they went.
If I scold her and say, "Mary, no! Don't touch that." She responds by saying, "No! Stop!" She loves to tell me to STOP!
She has started saying "happy" and "scary."
She loves the Teletubbies, whom she affectionately calls "Bubbies."
She calls outside "side" and she wants to go "side" all the time. She likes to wear her snow boots and tromp around.
Perhaps the most idiosyncratic of all of Mary's expressions right now is "Bye-bye! See you!" She does it all the time. She says it to people at the grocery store, to waiters, to her shows (Bye-bye show! See you!") to anything that she leaves behind. When she's ready for bed she says, "Bauble of nilk! Night night. Bye bye see you."
Mary will pick up any telephone, which she calls a "hello", or anything that remotely resembles a telephone and start talking into it. She talks and talks and talks and talks! Then she signs off, bye-bye see you!